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mom confessions

Turns Out My Kid is THAT Friend

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Every kid has that ONE friend. The “dumper” who goes into the playroom and just dumps. toys. everywhere.  The one that causes trouble, makes messes and encourages chaos.

My 4-year-old, Piper, is not that friend. But somehow she manages to turn all of her friends into THAT friend.

For years I’ve wondered why all her friends are so dang naughty! She’s not a toy dumper or a particularly bad mischief-maker but every single friend she has is horrible!

Her very first friend was her cousin, Michael, who is a year older than her. Those two are TROUBLE together.

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Once in a rented beach house they took every single board game and dumped out every piece and card into a giant pile and mixed them together.  They’ve dumped boxes of cereal on the ground and stomped in it, they went into my walk in closet and threw every single thing into a pile on the floor.

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But my favorite was when they got into a bag of nail polish, got naked (of course) and painted their entire bodies. Their “delicate areas” were meticulously covered. Super fun. My biggest regret in life is not getting pictures of the nail polish fiasco of 2016 but I was too busy calling the carpet cleaning company.

She has another friend Matthew who I adore but who I always told my husband was a serious trouble maker. These two once got into a potted houseplant, tore it apart and scattered the dirt EVERYWHERE. I couldn’t take my eyes off those two.

Recently she got a new friend, a sweet little three-year-old named Raygen.


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“Surely this friend won’t cause as much mischief as every other friend she’s had over,” I optimistically thought. NOPE. They constantly also get naked in the backyard, cover themselves with sand and paint on walls.

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Turns out when I left Raygen out of this picture I really was protecting the innocent.

“WHY IS MY DAUGHTER ATTRACTED TO THE NAUGHTIEST KIDS EVER?” I thought.

Then it hit me. Wait…who is the “common denominator” in all these situations? It’s PIPER!! She IS that friend! I’ve been living in denial!

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Piper is the youngest child and, by nature, lives to entertain. She thrives on making other people laugh. (Her favorite joke currently is to ask people how to spell I -Cup.) Well, what is funnier to any toddler than destruction of property? The answer is nothing. Nothing is funnier. It turns out Piper is creating havoc in order to make her friends laugh, and then they do it, in turn, to crack her up! Who doesn’t love making people laugh?

In fact, one time Matthew’s mom asked him why he did something particularly naughty and his response was “because Piper thought it was funny.”  I don’t know why I didn’t realize this sooner!

We had a new friend over for a play date this afternoon and I walked into the sweet little boy hysterically laughing. Piper had overturned about five toy bins and was walking around the room hitting everything with a hammer just for the sheer joy of entertaining.

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She’s basically all Three Stooges wrapped up into one tiny, adorable package.

So to every mother who I assumed had the naughty kid I say “I’m sorry.”  Sorry I always blamed them,  never assuming my sweet child was creating disaster in her wake.  And I’m sorry to every home Piper visits. Ever. For the rest of eternity.

The “B” Word and the “F” Word- Kindergarten Style

20160322_102935[1]Don’t the best conversations always happen in the car?

So there we were, driving in the mini van and the conversation went as follows:

“Kids were talking about the “B” word and the “F” word today.” -Deacon

“WHAT? Like on the bus??”- Me. (Thinking maybe it’s time to stop riding the bus home from school!)

“No.” -Deacon

“On the playground?” -Me

“No.” -Deacon

“In Kindergarten?” -Me

“Yes, on the circle rug.” -Deacon

“Tell me about this conversation!” -Me.

He then proceeds to tell me about how they were talking about the B word and the F word and debating which word was worse. Someone thought the B word was worse and someone else was sure the F word was worse, so Deacon wanted to know which one was actually worse!

“Well, they’re both REALLY bad, and I hope you never say either one but I think the F word is worse.” -Me. At this point I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with a 5-year-old and that he knows these words!

“They’re not THAT bad mom. Brighton says them both all the time.” -Deacon.

What? My sweet 9-year-old girl?

Wait…something doesn’t seem right. So I ask him if he knows what the words are. He says yes but now he’s too scared to say them.

“The F word is…. (Deacon makes fart noise with his mouth and arm.) You have to look at me to know what the B word is…”

I glance in the back seat and Deacon points to his…. BUTT!

Oh thank the Heavens above!

Now let’s just hope he doesn’t go to school telling everyone I said the S word. “Shut up!”

 

Mom Confession Gets Some Lovin’

12565354_10207433997304851_3670471289157973105_nI had the best week EVER! I had the chance to be on a local Lifestyle show called Idaho Living to talk about “getting real” with other moms and this blog. It was so fun. These two ladies have my DREAM JOB so even getting to sit next to them and be involved was so fun!  Click here to watch!

Katching Up with the Kardashians

KardashiansMom Confession: When people tell me they “don’t really watch TV” all I can think of is, “What do you DO at night?” So shameful.

Seriously though, it’s 9:00 p.m. I’ve spent the last hour getting the kids to bed and the house is quiet. All I want to do is put on my sweats and watch TV! I’ll occasionally read or blog but my brain is tired and I want to VEG.

So I know this is SOOOO 2010 but I just started watching the Kardashians and I am slightly obsessed. Here’s the best way to watch a reality TV show: Current season first, then go back to the beginning and binge watch from there. It feels like you’re a psychic and you know everything that’s going to happen to them in a few years!

Ever since watching the Bruce Jenner special I’ve been intrigued. Then a few months ago I saw the current season was on Hulu so I gave it a go and I was so fascinated. Just staring at their perfect skin and Kim’s butt was enough to keep me mesmerized. It’s not good for my self-esteem though. What I do like is that Kim full-on shows her getting laser treatments on her butt cellulite. I knew it could NOT be that smooth naturally. That and the fact that she got a “blood facial” and has a daily makeup artist keeps my reality in check. If I poked my own blood platelets into my face I might have a more youthful glow as well.

So I watched the current season and then shamefully Googled all the missing pieces of their lives that I NEEDED to know. Then I realized that the ENTIRE series is on Hulu…plus Kim and Kourtney take Miami and I think even Khloe and Lamar have their own spinoff on there. Literally DAYS on end of Kardashian madness. Bible. (Only those who watch will get that last reference.) The thing is, I’ve never actually heard of anyone ADMITTING to watching this show. I know people do because they add another 10,000 feet to their mansions each year and that money’s gotta be coming from somewhere but no one actually talks about watching. It’s like a dirty little secret. And since I’m all about dishing dirty little secrets on here you can all now come out of the closet and admit you’re obsessed as well.

Or you were in 2010. It still counts.

Give Yourself a High Five If Your Kid Says This…

boy yellingThere is one sentence I believe every mother should own and wear as a badge of honor. In fact, maybe we need actual badges with the sentence printed on it, maybe bedazzled on, or in big bold letters… whatever works for you. When you hear that sentence, I think every mom should wear it with pride.

I heard it for the first time when Ben was 4 years old. I remember the day well. I’d just picked him up from preschool, and he wasn’t getting in the car as I’d asked him to do. After what felt like the 100th time  telling him to get in the car, I finally said, “I guess we’re doing this the hard way.” That’s when I picked him up and put him in the car myself. At 4 years old this was not okay with Ben. He always wanted to get himself into the car, so when I took that privilege away from him, my sweet, blond haired, blue eyed angel looked me in the eye and with all the loathing a 4 year old can muster he said, “I wish you weren’t my mommy.” There it was. Four years of parenting and I finally got hit with that zinger.

When I told my girlfriends about it, every single one of them said the same thing: “I’m so sorry” and “ I’m glad I haven’t had to hear that yet.”

As much as I appreciated the kind words, there is no need to feel bad for me. Here’s why: I believe that little sentence means I’m doing my job as a mom.

I wear that sentence as a badge of honor. That’s right, a badge of honor.

To me that sentence is simple: it means I’m the mommy and I’m doing what a mommy is supposed to be doing. I’m setting boundaries for your 4 year old self, and I’m sure I’m going to be hearing it when you’re 14 when I’m setting boundaries for your teenage self (God help me when that time comes.)

I don’t feel bad he said it, because I said it too. I said it to my mom when I was little. I always said it when I didn’t get what I wanted, or she said no, or she didn’t do something I wanted her to do. Basically I said that one sentence when my mom was putting boundaries up, or when she was teaching me life lessons. Life lessons that at 5 years old I didn’t much appreciate. Okay, okay, I said that one sentence A LOT as a teenager, and I didn’t much appreciate what she was trying to teach me then either.

I know why I said those words: to hurt her, to make her feel bad, to make her think there were better mommies out there.

I know that’s why Ben said it too. So I looked him in the eye and said, “I know you do.” That’s all the acknowledgement I gave that sentence.

What I really wanted to do was raise my arm in the air and high five myself because that sentence acknowledged that in some small way I’m not totally screwing up this parenting thing. Every once in a while, I’m getting it right, and at the end of the day, that’s all I can ask for.

Guess what? Three years have passed since Ben first said those words… Joey turns four this week and I haven’t heard the same sentence, but I think it’s a different version of the exact same sentiment: “Mommy sometimes I don’t love you.”

That’s another badge for me.

Reposted from www.boisenewsmom.com with permission.

It’s my Mommy Purse-onality

20151023_154308A couple months ago at a church women’s group “get to know you” event we were supposed to bring three things that represent who we are.

In the rush to leave I grabbed two random things, couldn’t think of a third and ran out the door.

When it got to me the third time around I started looking through my purse to find something and I decided just to show everyone all the random crap in my purse because that really describes me better than any one item! I came home and immediately de-cluttered that purse.

Then last month I went on a trip and my sister bought me a backpack purse for my birthday, so after that trip and another few weeks I had TWO fully stocked purses floating around and I needed to consolidate. So I took a picture of the contents of both purses for your viewing pleasure.

In case you can’t quite see there are indeed two sticky hands, a chip clip, a rock, chocolate laxatives, multiple sunglasses, cars, pony bands, chap sticks, lip glosses and bracelets. Daniel Tiger, a doll mask, a notepad, gift cards, mints, my camera, vitamins, deodorant, candy and fruit snacks. (Thrown away before the picture were countless receipts, gum wrappers, empty zip locks, tampons out of their wrappers and about an inch of goldfish cracker dust.)

This could be a hidden picture game. I could say find the piece of salt water taffy and you could spend five minutes finding it.

My purse is more than a purse. Apparently it’s a pharmacy, a diaper bag, a toy box, a jewelry box and a garbage can all in one.

The Road Trip When I Finally Snapped

375671-priestley-childrenAhhh the family road trip. Mom and dad in the front…mom trying to listen to talk radio…dad trying to listen to techno.  Kids in the backseat fighting. It’s par for the course, right? Except this past summer when Mom. Finally. Snapped.

There we were- only about an hour outside of Boise when Brighton and Deacon were screaming at each other in the very back of the mini van. Deacon dropped his binky (which we can’t live without in the car) so I asked Brighton to get out of her seat belt and get it for him. He kicks her in the head when she’s bending over and she starts wailing on him. They’re screaming at each other, hitting, scratching, and she’s whipping him in the face with her Rapunzel Barbie’s uber-long hair.

That’s when I had enough. I said “give me that Barbie!” She threw it up to me and in a split second the window was rolled down and Barbie was held hostage out the window going 80 miles per hour. I looked over at Aaron for confirmation about what I was planning to do and he gave me a slight nod like a mob man confirming the execution of a traitor.  I let that Barbie fly.

I see her in the rear view mirror- long hair and purple dress- flying through the air. And I see the car behind me swerve to miss her.  I can only imagine what he’s thinking.  When Brighton realized what I had done (and that I hadn’t just pretended to throw her out the window) she freaked out. I felt terrible but showed no remorse and Aaron looked at me and mouthed “I can’t believe you just did that!!”

For the rest of the trip her prince Ken doll was my prisoner in the front seat. Every time she started misbehaving the window rolled down just a little bit and out his head went. The rest of the trip was a breeze.

Mourning the End of the “Baby Stage”

12010775_10206353885059406_5966553687864573812_oFor more than seven years my life has been full of babies or toddlers and everything that comes with them: diapers, bottles, temper tantrums, more diapers, more temper tantrums, more diapers… you get the picture.

That’s all changing. (At least the diaper part. I’m sure the temper tantrums will stick around). My baby is about to turn 4. It’s a day the hubs and I have been waiting for. No more babies or toddlers means a new kind of freedom for our family! I should be ecstatic! I’ve basically been waiting for this day since my boys were born. Want to know I secret? I’m a little sad. I’m realizing that every new step, every new milestone they make, means they’re taking one more step farther away from me. They are becoming more independent. Each day they need me a little bit less. Even though there is a part of me that is thrilled by that, it breaks my heart a little.

When my 7 year old, Ben, was born, I was fully entrenched in a television news career. I’d met my goal of anchoring in a major market. I’d spent more than a decade focusing on building a career, and my goal was to keep working and fit this new baby into my life. Well, that didn’t happen.

I did keep working, but I changed professions, because after baby #2, I needed a job that would allow me to be a mom first. Over the past almost seven years my life has morphed into something I didn’t expect. I became a mother. Every decision I make about my life always comes back to that: I am a mom.

I am also a friend, a wife, a sister, and a citizen. I’m also outgoing, opinionated, and I think, kind of funny, but at the end of the day I am forever a mother. I didn’t expect this role to define me the way it has, but it has, and I’m still learning to embrace it.

Now that these two little people don’t need me as much, I have to admit, it’s tilting my axis a bit. They’ve become my true north, my compass, if you will, and things are changing, and I’m sad. My life has become consumed in so many ways by them, by their needs, their wants, and let’s be honest: my main goal has been to keep them alive and healthy. So far so good.

I am in a bit of mourning right now. I look at Ben and I can barely remember him as a baby. It’s only been 7 years, but I have a hard time remembering that first year of motherhood and all the insecurity and anxiety and fear I had in this new role. Now I’m pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. I’ve managed to get two kids through babyhood and toddlerhood fairly unscathed (talk to their therapists in 20 years, and they might tell you differently). So I feel good about where I’m at as a mother.

I’m getting ready to go down a new path, an uncharted path of motherhood. I’m entering into the school age phase of motherhood, and I’m scared. I don’t know this world. I don’t know how to mother in this arena.

I’m missing my babies, even the diapers. I don’t know if I’m ready for this next phase of life. I think I know why: the last seven years have gone so quickly I can’t believe they’re ending. I know I’m going to blink, and the next seven years will have gone by, and these two babies of mine will be on the cusp of leaving my home and spreading their wings and flying away. I’m not ready for THAT phase! So for now, I’ll figure out this new phase of motherhood and hopefully I won’t be too much of a hot mess… but the odds aren’t good.

 

Peeing With The Door Open (And Other Things I Swore I’d Never Do)

20150904_091855-001I was a total backseat mom, before I had kids. If not vocally, I was in my head. I would see the horrendous things other moms were doing and swear to myself that when my perfect child came into the world, I would NEVER bribe them with fruit snacks.

I’ve only been a parent for 22 months and 2 days and here are a few things I swore I’d never do. And I’m eating my words, just like my toddler is eating those bribery fruit snacks I buy in bulk at Costco.

1. Pee with the door open.

I always thought, let the kid cry at the door! Geez lady have some pride! Pride? Doesn’t that go out the window during labor, never to be regained?  For the record, I also shower with the door open and sometimes she’ll just stand there holding the shower curtain open staring at me. That’s the worst.

2. Flavor my kids milk.

After I stopped nursing a few weeks went by and I realized I should probably still be giving my toddler some whole milk or something! I tried giving her milk in a sippy cup and she about gagged! So after a couple weeks (okay maybe a day) of trying I bought some chocolate Ovaltine and never looked back.

3. Let her watch Barney.

I thought she would only watch the shows that don’t drive me crazy, like Sesame Street. But when you work from home, a little more TV is needed! I draw the line at Calliou. That kid drives me nuts. You’re four and totally bald? Grow some hair and stop whining!

4. Go a day without showering.

Need I say more? It happens. Get over it.

5. Make my kid talk to people on the phone. (Before they can talk.)

“Say hi to daddy!… (squeak). I think she just said hi to you!” Let’s document this on video and put it up on YouTube!

6. Food Bribery.

I’ve covered this but let me just say the first thing my daughter says when we walk into Target is “popcorn!” Isn’t shopping SO much easier when the child is contently munching on popcorn? And when we’re at Wal-Mart I’m not above cracking open a new bag of Goldfish that I will pay for at the checkout. (If she doesn’t dump out the whole bag out in front of the bed spreads.) Don’t worry, I used my foot to shove them all under the shelves.

7. Stage things for photo ops.

“No, I swear, she put on that chef’s hat and just climbed herself into that big soup pot! Isn’t she SO cute!!!” “Oh no! I just caught her putting bright red lipstick all over her face! What a stinker!” Come on, every mom needs a picture like that. What am I going to do, wait until she does it herself and risk ruining my carpet?

8. Let my baby drink caffeine.

What kind of monster would let a one-year-old drink Dr. Pepper? That is just wrong! Ugh, fine, one sip. Okay fine… have the whole dang thing. I’m sure she had enough in utero to last a lifetime.

And when my baby turns three and still has her binky and isn’t potty-trained I’m sure I’ll have another list of things I swore I’d never do!

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