Month

November 2015

Give Yourself a High Five If Your Kid Says This…

boy yellingThere is one sentence I believe every mother should own and wear as a badge of honor. In fact, maybe we need actual badges with the sentence printed on it, maybe bedazzled on, or in big bold letters… whatever works for you. When you hear that sentence, I think every mom should wear it with pride.

I heard it for the first time when Ben was 4 years old. I remember the day well. I’d just picked him up from preschool, and he wasn’t getting in the car as I’d asked him to do. After what felt like the 100th time  telling him to get in the car, I finally said, “I guess we’re doing this the hard way.” That’s when I picked him up and put him in the car myself. At 4 years old this was not okay with Ben. He always wanted to get himself into the car, so when I took that privilege away from him, my sweet, blond haired, blue eyed angel looked me in the eye and with all the loathing a 4 year old can muster he said, “I wish you weren’t my mommy.” There it was. Four years of parenting and I finally got hit with that zinger.

When I told my girlfriends about it, every single one of them said the same thing: “I’m so sorry” and “ I’m glad I haven’t had to hear that yet.”

As much as I appreciated the kind words, there is no need to feel bad for me. Here’s why: I believe that little sentence means I’m doing my job as a mom.

I wear that sentence as a badge of honor. That’s right, a badge of honor.

To me that sentence is simple: it means I’m the mommy and I’m doing what a mommy is supposed to be doing. I’m setting boundaries for your 4 year old self, and I’m sure I’m going to be hearing it when you’re 14 when I’m setting boundaries for your teenage self (God help me when that time comes.)

I don’t feel bad he said it, because I said it too. I said it to my mom when I was little. I always said it when I didn’t get what I wanted, or she said no, or she didn’t do something I wanted her to do. Basically I said that one sentence when my mom was putting boundaries up, or when she was teaching me life lessons. Life lessons that at 5 years old I didn’t much appreciate. Okay, okay, I said that one sentence A LOT as a teenager, and I didn’t much appreciate what she was trying to teach me then either.

I know why I said those words: to hurt her, to make her feel bad, to make her think there were better mommies out there.

I know that’s why Ben said it too. So I looked him in the eye and said, “I know you do.” That’s all the acknowledgement I gave that sentence.

What I really wanted to do was raise my arm in the air and high five myself because that sentence acknowledged that in some small way I’m not totally screwing up this parenting thing. Every once in a while, I’m getting it right, and at the end of the day, that’s all I can ask for.

Guess what? Three years have passed since Ben first said those words… Joey turns four this week and I haven’t heard the same sentence, but I think it’s a different version of the exact same sentiment: “Mommy sometimes I don’t love you.”

That’s another badge for me.

Reposted from www.boisenewsmom.com with permission.

It’s my Mommy Purse-onality

20151023_154308A couple months ago at a church women’s group “get to know you” event we were supposed to bring three things that represent who we are.

In the rush to leave I grabbed two random things, couldn’t think of a third and ran out the door.

When it got to me the third time around I started looking through my purse to find something and I decided just to show everyone all the random crap in my purse because that really describes me better than any one item! I came home and immediately de-cluttered that purse.

Then last month I went on a trip and my sister bought me a backpack purse for my birthday, so after that trip and another few weeks I had TWO fully stocked purses floating around and I needed to consolidate. So I took a picture of the contents of both purses for your viewing pleasure.

In case you can’t quite see there are indeed two sticky hands, a chip clip, a rock, chocolate laxatives, multiple sunglasses, cars, pony bands, chap sticks, lip glosses and bracelets. Daniel Tiger, a doll mask, a notepad, gift cards, mints, my camera, vitamins, deodorant, candy and fruit snacks. (Thrown away before the picture were countless receipts, gum wrappers, empty zip locks, tampons out of their wrappers and about an inch of goldfish cracker dust.)

This could be a hidden picture game. I could say find the piece of salt water taffy and you could spend five minutes finding it.

My purse is more than a purse. Apparently it’s a pharmacy, a diaper bag, a toy box, a jewelry box and a garbage can all in one.

The Road Trip When I Finally Snapped

375671-priestley-childrenAhhh the family road trip. Mom and dad in the front…mom trying to listen to talk radio…dad trying to listen to techno.  Kids in the backseat fighting. It’s par for the course, right? Except this past summer when Mom. Finally. Snapped.

There we were- only about an hour outside of Boise when Brighton and Deacon were screaming at each other in the very back of the mini van. Deacon dropped his binky (which we can’t live without in the car) so I asked Brighton to get out of her seat belt and get it for him. He kicks her in the head when she’s bending over and she starts wailing on him. They’re screaming at each other, hitting, scratching, and she’s whipping him in the face with her Rapunzel Barbie’s uber-long hair.

That’s when I had enough. I said “give me that Barbie!” She threw it up to me and in a split second the window was rolled down and Barbie was held hostage out the window going 80 miles per hour. I looked over at Aaron for confirmation about what I was planning to do and he gave me a slight nod like a mob man confirming the execution of a traitor.  I let that Barbie fly.

I see her in the rear view mirror- long hair and purple dress- flying through the air. And I see the car behind me swerve to miss her.  I can only imagine what he’s thinking.  When Brighton realized what I had done (and that I hadn’t just pretended to throw her out the window) she freaked out. I felt terrible but showed no remorse and Aaron looked at me and mouthed “I can’t believe you just did that!!”

For the rest of the trip her prince Ken doll was my prisoner in the front seat. Every time she started misbehaving the window rolled down just a little bit and out his head went. The rest of the trip was a breeze.

How I Ended Up Driving Home in My Bra

FullSizeRenderIt all started innocently enough. I was strolling through The Home Depot with my 17 month old son, Derek and my 4 year old, Amber. We had just adopted Derek and I was still trying to adjust to being his new Mommy.

Derek had pooped so much that it was defying gravity, coming out the top of his diaper as he sat in the cart. As we approached our mini van, I told Amber to wait outside the van until I had changed Derek’s diaper so she didn’t smell it and gag.

Amber was going through a phase that if she smelled even her own poop in the toilet she would throw up all over herself!

I laid Derek down on the floor mat and began wiping the thick sludge off his little bum. It was at that moment that Amber popped up her head (she was hiding in the back seat instead of waiting outside as instructed.) She got one whiff of the dirty diaper and started gagging. I yelled at her to “get out of the van!!” She tried but began throwing up all over herself in the process.

Knowing I would be mad, Amber came around to my side of the van crying and covered in puke to tell me how sorry she was. Her crying got worse as she discovered it was in her hair and then she started to pee! I looked away from helping Derek to see her standing with legs spread apart as the urine ran down her legs and made a large puddle in the parking lot.

I went to Amber to console her, get her to stop crying and to help her strip off her pants that were wet when Derek, who I left in a new diaper still laying on the floor mat, rolled out of the van and fell into Amber’s puddle of pee.

My poor baby! Picking him up, I looked at both of my gross looking children and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

I didn’t have anything with me to clean up Amber or to cover the car seat where she would sit and I didn’t dare go back into Home Depot at this point, so I took off my shirt and wiped her as clean as I could with it.

I drove home in my bra and after giving both kiddos a good bath and getting them down for nap time, I went and scrubbed the back seat of my mini van for the next hour. NOT the day I had planned.

I hope to this day the surveillance camera in their parking lot did not record all of that!

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